Stream Of Consciousness

Holy

2010-04-09T06:28:00.001-07:00

I feel incredibly unholy right now. I feel like I am so close to God, yet so far from where he wants me to be. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I pray for guidance and clarity, but I receive neither. My only hope is that I will soon figure this out, because I may lose my sanity if I do not.

Crow

2010-04-07T08:23:00.001-07:00

I spend my entire life with my foot in my mouth, eating crow. I say things and as soon as they come out of my mouth, I regret them. I know that I will spend the rest of the day beating myself up over it. Unfortunately, I have no forethought. I never hesitate, never think things through before speaking. Whatever enters my head comes out of my mouth.

Cookie

2010-04-05T11:38:00.001-07:00

I have got to make cookies for James. I keep promising him that he has sugar cookies coming to him, but then I keep forgetting. James is important to me. I want to maintain a good friendship between us and hopefully become closer. I am so ridiculously blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people, him included.

Hairdo

2010-03-31T20:58:00.001-07:00

I genuinely love it when my hair has just enough oil in it that it's not greasy, but I can still actually move it around. I play with my hair wayyyyy to much. The "tidal wave" look is terribly unattractive, I know, but I love the way it feels.

Boxing

2010-03-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

We were boxing, we were boxing the stars. We were boxing, you were swinging for Mars.

I want to box with the stars. I feel the need to be rid of this planet. I want to no longer be grounded. I want freedom, I want real freedom. I no longer want gravity to have any kind of hold on me.

Pregnant

2009-10-13T17:33:00.001-07:00

Oh my god, I can not believe you went and got yourself pregnant. And now you're spending all of your time with the one girl who was in your situation, but worse. Way worse. Do you have any idea what you have gotten yourself in to? And now you're doing coke? Flipping jeeps? Smoking everything in sight? I pray for that baby. I will pray for him or her every single freaking day. Because they are going to need it.

Twig

2009-09-25T20:13:00.001-07:00

Snapped. Uncomfortable. Confused. Hopeless. Desperate? Longing. Tired. Weak. Ready. Unprepared. Hurt. Angry. Shocked.

Collar

2009-09-06T11:19:00.001-07:00

You have a collar around my neck. You are my kryptonite, my Achilles' heel. You will always have this power over me. I can't explain it. I don't want to think about it. I love you and I want you to know that I always will.

Planet

2009-08-02T19:43:00.001-07:00

The whole planet is spinning madly around me right now and I don't know what to do. It's all moving too fast and I'm standing perfectly still, waiting for it to stop. I want you to stand with me, but I don't know if I want to be there with you when the world stops spinning. i don't know if that's how I want it to end up. I hope it spins slower so I have a chance to figure all this out before we're both too wrapped up to turn back.

Crossing

2009-06-30T08:40:00.001-07:00

I can't help crossing the line on this one. I don't know you but I'm in love with you. Why? I have no idea. I promised myself I would never let me take it this far ever again, but I know I have. I can't help it. I really can't help it. I love you.

Suffocate

2009-06-17T21:24:00.001-07:00

I'm suffocating here. I am a 17 year old kid, not a 36 year old working mom with 2 kids who is trying, but failing, to go back to school. I just want to get away from this all. I want to go do something incredibly stupid. I want to smoke a pack of cigarettes while driving through the mountains and listening to Ryan Adams at 5am.

Doll

2009-06-15T20:29:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wish you saw me as a doll. Something beautiful, yet mysterious. Almost as if you wished I was alive so you could get to know me. I sit on the shelf staring at you, but you never bother to blow the dust off and take a look. I really am beautiful, if only I were cleaned up a bit.

Raft

2009-06-13T21:22:00.001-07:00

I need a life raft right now. A raft to come take me away from all of this nonsense. I need a rescuer. Someone to save me...a superhero almost. I just need a break from all of this...I can't even begin to start to think. I can't do it right now. A break, that's all I'm asking for. That's it. Just a break from all of this. A break from life.

Alarm

2009-06-10T21:28:00.001-07:00

Alarms going off inside of me every time I think about you. I know that feeling this way will only get me hurt, but I can't help it. I don't know you, but I want to. I shouldn't want to, but I do. I can't stand knowing that my chances with you are next to none. We are so similar in music taste, style, and everything else. I think I might love you, even if it's just for a little while. Oh god...more alarms.

Neon

2009-06-04T20:06:00.001-07:00

Neon signs in the window. Cigarette in your hand. It's night time. It's always night time. I'm holding your hand and walking. We're not going anywhere, really. Just walking. Neon signs light the sidewalk for us. That's all we can see, actually: the sidewalk directly in front of us.

Lock

2009-06-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

Don't lock the doors. I don't want to be alone tonight. I'm not really lonely, I just need some company soon. I am so tired of being isolated. Always the one who doesn't quite fit. Always left out of the group. I hate this town and all of it's cliques. I don't belong here. I am a beach bum and always will be...not a city girl. I don't belong here.

Cabin

2009-05-27T08:03:00.001-07:00

I would like to go to a cabin in the woods and not see anyone for a while. Or maybe just take one or two good people with me and escape from the world. Just our own little bubble. Us and nature, us and God. That would be magical. Even for just a few days it would do me some real good. I can't imagine not being with the people here, but I know it would be nice to get a break.

Classic

2009-03-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

You're a classic disaster with a knack for losing your exterior.

You are an absolute disaster, Meghan.
But you are beautiful. A beautiful disaster.
Because you are loved.
No matter what, you are loved.
Oh Elyon.

Toast

2008-12-18T21:02:00.001-08:00

My head isn't working right today. "Toast" brings me nothing. I have no idea what's going on in there anymore. Somebody offer me a little bit of sanity. Please? That's all I'm asking for.

Gear

2008-12-07T20:53:00.001-08:00

He put on his gear and jumped in the water. The only thought running through his mind was the image of the drowning people. He had to save them. With no regard for his own safety, he swam towards them and into the waves. He swam and swam until he couldn't go any farther. Then he swam some more. The only important things at that point were their lives.

Held

2008-11-23T13:59:00.001-08:00

You held me. You used to hold me. I miss that. But then again, in a way, I don't miss it at all. You hurt me. A lot. There are some things I wish I could take back. But then again, in a way, I would never take them back for the world. I don't know what we had. I have no idea what it was. But it was real. Oh, it was definitely real. Whatever it was. I miss you.

Suspend

2008-11-16T21:56:00.001-08:00

I feel constantly suspended from some kind of cable and I can't ever seem to get down. My nerves are always on edge and nothing seems to go right anymore. I want you but I can't have you. I don't want them, but they're always here. I don't know what I want, but I have to figure it out. Nerves suspended. Always suspended. Never letting go.

Convertible

2008-11-12T20:06:00.001-08:00

Let's go back to the days when we would put the top down on that convertible red Eclipse and go down the Nags Head bridge at 100 miles per hour at midnight. Let's go back to Run Hill. The nights I'll never forget. The nights we kissed under the stars. I say I regret them, but you should know that I never will. Those memories will forever be in the very center of my heart.

Startled

2008-11-04T20:09:00.000-08:00

You startled me when you held open the door for me that day. And then ever moreso when you chased after me just to talk to me. It made me feel special. Gave me butterflies. Butterflies? Yeah, haven't had them in a while. Thank you for the smile you put on my face. If only you knew how many more smiles I hope to put on your face. Will that ever happen? Probably not.

Pride

2008-09-20T12:54:00.001-07:00

I used to be so proud of my grades, but now I've kind of given up caring. I fail the things I don't know, I pass the things I do. I am no longer the brightest one in the class. I can do well in certain classes, and I look like an idiot in others. I am learning to accept this and work harder at the things that don't come easily to me.

Brick

2008-09-06T21:46:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it just seems necessary to pick up a brick and throw it right at somebody's head. People are just so stupid. So incredibly stupid. They just need a good kick in the pants, slap in the face, or brick to the head. Let's change this. Let's change the world one brick at a time.